Doubt

May 19, 2011:  20 weeks, 3 days to the Chicago Marathon.   2 weeks, 3 days to the Dexter Ann Arbor Half Marathon.

I've discovered that doubt creates a steep hill to climb. And I have also learned that it is something that you have to quash quickly and emphatically, lest it become a cancer that just eats away at you.   It's been an interesting couple of weeks.

I've ramped up my miles in prep for the Dexter Ann Arbor HM as well as my quest for speed. And that is what did me in - the speed thing.

After completing a recent 12 mile run, my legs were done; I was exhausted. My time was good, actually my best ever for that distance, and I was good for a couple more miles, but I could tell that I was at the end of my endurance. And that was where the doubt hit me. I was seriously doubting that I'd be able to go another 14.2 miles. It really hit me hard.

During the final 3 miles I could feel the lactic acid building in my legs, and I had the strongest urges to just walk. But I didn't stop or slow down - I kept running, fearful of the fact that if I gave in and stopped, I really would NEVER make it through a full marathon.  So I didn't dare slow down or stop. In fact I tried (not very well) to go faster. But I didn't stop!

It was while cooling my legs in my ice-cold pool (May in Michigan and I refuse to turn the heater on) that I started worrying and fixating about my physical ability to make it through a full marathon. It was depressing. Was I in over my head? Was I expecting too much? Assuming too much?

The good news is that I got over it and I did so quickly. No doubts. And I remain fully confident in my ability to run the marathon. I'm going to do this thing.

The net-net of that 12 mile run was that I had run it hard (on purpose - I wanted to test my ability to keep a certain pace) and to make matters worse, my pre-long-run routine was off (I didn't feed myself properly the night before or the morning of and I don't think I properly warmed up). It turns out that when you set out to run for long periods of time, and try to do it faster than normal, the demands on your body are tremendous. I'm clearly still learning about it all.

After that last 12 mile run, I did a rest day and then powered through 3 miles of speed intervals and then a great 4 mile increased tempo run (start slow, finish hard). I'm going to do an easy 10-12 mile run while in FL (the humidity should be fun), and then taper down for the Dex-AnnArbor HM on June 5.

I want to break 2:00 hours so bad, but my realistic goal should perhaps be closer to 2:03.  Who would have thought that 3 minutes would be so hard to peel off? That only ~14 seconds per mile... We'll see....

(BTW did I mention that I yanked my hamstring playing golf with Jordan and AnnDee on Mothers Day?  That added to my excitement over the last couple of weeks...)